When I was in my early teen years, I was quite hypersexual. I used to frequent porn, and aspired to be like the porn stars on my screens, I even told my friends that one day I wanted to be a porn star. When I was 16 years old, I remember browsing through Reddit pages of Charli D’amelio subreddits talking exclusively about her body, and how hot she is now that she turned 18. I remember thinking, “I wish I was famous so that men online could thirst after me once I turn 18.” I was insecure, and desperate, taking sensual pictures of myself at that age, with the question in the back of my mind, “Would those men on Reddit like this?”. Later that year, though, I went through a transformation. I descovered the manosphere, or the “redpill”. Men like Sneako, Myron Gaines from the men’s podcast, Fresh&Fit, and Andrew Tate alike, I got sucked into that content. One thing that was hammered into my head that I quickly absorbed was that men don’t like whores. They fuck whores, but don’t want to marry them. “Men only want pure virgins, nothing else! Men want a nice traditional woman who cooks and cleans for them!” And I was like, okay, bet. I spent those next two years really trying to live up to that image that these men said they wanted. I was a good girl, I did retain my virginity, swore to myself I’d save it for marriage, became more religious, etc., I thought I was better than the average woman to tell you the truth. But then, I noticed something. I would say, when I was 18, I took note of how there were women every month or so that’d get really popular online. She would be, usually, a blonde white woman, sometimes not even really that hot, or what I’d call a bombshell, facially, but she’d usually have big breasts, or something about her body that made people want to pay attention to her. These women weren’t really the most “traditional”, they were kind of saucy women, they weren’t afraid of showing off their assets, and men went crazy for them. It started to disgust me, because seeing the new hot girl of the month get popular for not even really being pretty, again facially, but for just showing off her body a little bit? These women mind you, would have a whole career transformation after they’d blow up online, they’d go on podcasts, influencers streams, etc. the whole nine yards! It was almost like they were having a mini press tour of some kind. What disgusted me about it, wasn’t even the women, it was the men for making irrelevant women famous for seemingly nothing. I started seeing this happen more when Lily Philips and Bonnie Blue came onto the scene. Men swore they found her disgusting, yet, so many men attended her little orgy meetups. Bonnie Blue got invited by Andrew Tate himself for an interview, chatting it up, having a seemingly great time with her! He even said he respected her! And I’m not done. The far-right on X weirdly has a lot of women participating in it, who are very proud of the fact that they are a woman online with a pretty face, and will post and flaunt their bodies, even some providing links to their adult content in their bios. These women get messaged by loads of men, and you would think it’d just be lonely men, but believe it or not, some of it are actually the far-right political commentators themselves in the DM’s of some of these girls! And, not most of them, but some of these men are admittedly handsome, why they’d be in a self admitted e-whore’s messages is beyond when they probably could get a woman in real life, very easily. Anyways, I mention all of this because it’s to show that there really isn’t a consequence to being a sleaze online as a woman, in-fact you get propped up, and praised, by men who claim your existence is a negative to society, while they are proudly participating in your games. I realized how much of a scam it is in today’s society to be a good woman. Men will tell you to be good, but, look at what they respond to, look at what they promote! Women are getting famous off of this, it’s not even just being validated online, it’s kickstarting your own personal career! It’s maddening, but they literally do win in the end. You may hate whores, but they’re smiling in their big mansions, with the money that YOU provided for them. They are simply just profiting off of it, some may say that’s very “girlboss” of them. I personally don’t know what to think. I feel cheated a bit honestly. I kept myself pias, and I feel like all it’s done has actually held me back, the more I continue on like this. I feel behind, I feel like I’m missing something in my life. I want to be good, but being good doesn’t grant you the best rewards, not in this material world that we live in. What makes this all somewhat more worth it to me, is that, at the very least I am pleasing to God, and if I died tomorrow, he’d be happy that I kept my virginity. But I’m not completely detatched from the outside, from the material plane, I live in it. I interact with it on a daily basis. It’s hard to continue on, when, everything around me is telling me, and showing me, that being a whore, really is the best route a woman can take. It’s the oldest profession for a reason. You get fame, money, and attention, not just from loser men like you’d expect, but from seemingly, successful and rich men too! What is there to really lose? People say you won’t get married if you sell yourself, that’s not necessarily true. Not all the time at least. Riley Reid, got married, and now has a child, and she was one of the most famous porn stars of our generation. She’s happy and thriving, who’s to say other women aren’t having success too? It’s something to think about, and it’s something I think about more and more these days. I want to be a good girl, but it’s hard, when it seems like being a bad girl is the only way to make it in the world, the only way the men you want, will pay attention to you.
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