what’s a girl to do?

the type of men i attract/am drawn to tend to be men who aren’t really sexually aggressive or assertive like that, or they’re sort of passive, so i just look like the sexually aggressive one in comparison. i’ve gone my whole childhood and adolescence thinking boys wanted sexually assertive type of women, that they want a woman who’s obsessed with sex, because i thought boys were obsessed with sex themselves. so everytime i’d talk to boys in school i’d always make it sexual or try to show off my sexuality in some way. example, in middle school, i told a boy that i touch myself because i thought he’d find it hot when actually it made him ghost me for the rest of the school year. and in another instance, i wrote a boy an anonymous sexual letter, telling him that i wanted him to fuck me, and i later found out that letter traumatized him, and he went to the counselor about it. so you see? whenever i was hypersexual, it always backfired. i’ve thought about why this is the case for me, because in my head i was thinking, what am i doing wrong? is this not what boys want? and, i do think it is just because the men who i tend to be like this with are not the sexually aggressive type. yesterday i came across a tweet, from a black man, saying “get you a girl who loves hoes as much as you do” and it showed a quite explicit video of black people at a party, and all the girls were twerking and grinding on each other, quite animalistically, with minimal clothing, or tiny bikinis, their breasts threatening to slip out. it confused me, but then i realized. these men who “love hoes” aren’t the men that come into my life or that i tend to be drawn to, the ones i tend to be drawn to are autistic, or nerdy, social awkward kind of men, not these rappers who live it up in yachts and trap houses with women in bikinis all day. that’s why my sexual aggressiveness doesn’t work or even maybe turns off these men who i’ve dealt with, because their inherent nature is far from a sexually aggressive male who loves women who boldly show off their sexuality. i’ve thought about if maybe it’s also my appearance. people have always said i look innocent, and maybe me being sexual doesn’t really match someone’s version of me they had in their head, that the innocent, quiet, shy girl, masturbates. you’d think that would be in someways a fantasy of theirs though, reminds me of that saying, “the shy ones are the freakiest”, it's a saying to make men go after shy girls in the hopes that they are super sexual and freaky in bed, so, why? why whenever i am outwardly sexual, it backfires? why is it when i am outwardly sexual, men pull away, or ghost me? is this not what they desire? why is it when i am like this, i make them uncomfortable? questions like these are why i got into a redpill, manosphere phase back in 2022-2023, because all i ever wanted to know is what do men really want from women? but i realized it still never worked, and was ultimately, for the most part, useless to me, because even after all that, i still am left wondering the same question, what do men want? do they really want an innocent flower who has never been plucked? or do they want a sexually promiscuous untamed woman? which one am i supposed to be? do i become lily phillips & bonnie blue? look at the amount of men that show up to bonnie blue’s sex orgy sessions, there are huge lineups. but yet if i ever did that, if i ever was a whore, it’d never fly. why do some women get to be like that, and get away with it, but not me? it’s not even like i necessarily want to be a whore, i've conditioned myself to not be hypersexual anymore these days, and shun my own sexuality, so i no longer desire to be as such. but apart of why i've shunned that part of myself is because i just want to be whatever men want me to be, and i thought that men wanted innocence, but yet what they reward online is the opposite of that. look at the women who become popular, are they innocent women? or are they women who show off their assets? i am constantly filled with mixed messaging and i have for my whole life. i remember seeing a tweet by a man that said, “the funnest women to hang out with are the sluts”, ok, so i should become a slut so i’m considered fun? but y’know what's insane? is that tweet came from a muslim man who supposedly promotes traditional values. it’s like, make it make sense. do you understand my confusion now? if i’m too sexual, i get ghosted, if i’m too innocent, oh now i’m boring? what is a girl supposed to do? but again, i realize that, perhaps it’s really just due to the men who i attract. the man who posted that tweet is quite a sexually aggressive, promiscuous male, he has an aggressive personality, a true masculine. perhaps this is why he believes in that statement. i am not attracted to the man who posted that tweet, he is not my type. perhaps this is why. perhaps the answer is super simple, maybe it's right in front of me, but i can't help but feel a dilemma, a confusion, feeling like i'm being told one thing and at the same time being told another. it's frustrated me for so long. i will most likely end up with a man who isn't super aggressive, who doesn't ask me for much in terms of sexuality, in some ways because he feels a little asexual. but i am a sexual person, despite the shy exterior. i want sex. i love sex. even though i have never had it, but i desire it. if i do end up with a man who is practically asexual, i won't get my needs met. and so i'll slowly become more sexually aggressive towards him, wanting more out of the relationship, and now we're back at square one. because if anything, me doing that will just push that man away. this is my dilemma. i am a sexual person, but the men i attract aren't sexually assertive, but i'm not so sexual for the men who are promiscuous, the true masculines, they tend to pass me by because i am not slutty enough for them. i am neither attracted to most of the true masculines, the chads, they don't appeal to me. so what is a girl to do so i don't traumatize or borderline rape the passive man who i will end up with?